The little devil they call me
"Well I was, when I was little
And got stuck up the tree"
Dollies weren't really the thing for me.
The more dirty and mucky
The happier I would be
My mum always told me
I wasn't like a girl
I didn't believe her and still don't
"What the hell"
I can be feminine and dainty and soft
I even don't mind cleaning out the pig's trough.
Every job in life, has its value in some way
For me this is a journey and not
Unlike moulding and playing with clay
This job demands patience, skill and a thick skin
So I know that by doing it I can only win
I can hammer the bricks and break them to size
Then lay them gently to please my eyes.
They think I'm mad doing this kind of job
"Why" I said, "I don't mind getting dirty,
I'm not a snob".
"This is a bloke's job not for nice women like you"
"You deserve better what else can you do?"
"Ha I said just watch and see and you'll be surprised"
"When I've finished my time I will get a wonderful prize".
This job is about more than the money I can gain
It acts as a therapy and keeps me sane.
The challenge is much greater
Than any I've experienced before so,
I know that one day I'll be invited through that DOOR!
© 2001 Shirley Kaci
A Poem to Shirley
Today I went to Shirley
A new friend that I found
Her happiness explodes around
Yet to the ear there is no sound
With brush in hand she'll wait until
Inspirations come at will
Beginning to paint she never knows
Quite the ending that she shows
The calmest sea's which she begins
Can end in thunderous mighty winds
And raising from the depths you'll find
A bubble filled with dreams but mind
The bubble burst to rainbows glory
And every picture tells a story
Her mind is quick her eyes can see
Beyond the scope of you or me
But in her pictures paths to follow
Tranquillity depth and yet some sorrow.
Tormented eyes in faces sallow
The no mans land twixt light and shadow
The quiet grace of a cat just walking
For Shirley her paints and brushes are talking.
© Poem by Mary Jane
The chains around this torso symbolise the control of my whole being. No head in this painting says more about the painting than what you are seeing, It reflects the ridding of pain lying dormant within my brain inflicted on me by those who are insane. The chains around this torso symbolise being controlled by another shackled from the neck down and beyond; was it by my mother, my brother or my lover, from another mother.
Being overwhelmed with sadness ashamed to display my face, riddled with guilt and consumed with disgrace. Psychologically destroyed only the body exists, they all know who they are even when they're pissed, behaving outrageously and extremely bizarre, pointing their finger to the one they think is weak, chatting amongst themselves believing she will never speak.
The mind is numbed the head is too painful to show, as the perpetrators still exist, living their life free pretending everything in the garden is rosy; without a care in the world, enjoying the fruits of their labour, continuing to abuse the one, who they thought was nothing but a slaver.
Each word they continue to utter is full of horses manure for people like them there is definitely no cure. Harrowing, painful, disturbing thoughts in mind, Inflicted by those during my life, which were extremely unkind. Shocking behaviour from those, who one is supposed to trust, they really don't care as their mind is consumed with selfless lust.
These are the people in our lives who we are brought up to trust. Using religion when they have done wrong or blaming others singing that same old song, lying through their teeth to avoid a conviction, in religion nothing but contradiction. Gutless and shameful is what they all are, their love is about material objects, big houses and fat cars. Its time to unlock the shackles of my body; to expose those who have abused me and taunted me through my life, as well as disrespecting me as a wife.
There is little justice for me, other than the medicine of my artistry. Lasting a long time he's been getting away with committing this crime. I will continue to speak my truth as I have plenty of proof. Without fear, he continues to prop himself up on the bar, with a very large beer, hiding his sick secrets for many more years.
Telling lies to those who will believe him, not knowing the difference between make believe makes him know better than a thief. Misguiding peoples trust for his own ends will lead to his downfall when he will no longer be able to pretend and this nightmare will END.
Copyright Shirley Kaci April 2012
From The Roots
I was invited to this award ceremony today
And would like to welcome and wish you
All an enjoyable day
As a previous award winner and so proud of
That day I would like to share my experiences if I may.
From an insecure person of the past
I assured myself that this time my
Education would last
My experience of education has not
Changed much through the years
Still soaking the paper from many tears
The difference now than how it was then
Is my choices are mine when I pick up my pen
The experiences in my life are an education
In them self
Filed in my mind like secret books on my shelf
Instead of fighting an institution of this kind
I have included the power of positive thinking
Into my mind
I've never won anything, nothing before
The door never opened I couldn't seem to score.
This course was an opportunity for me to show
Just how clever I could be given the chance to grow
I wanted to do something to prove I could dance
Waiting, anticipating, for that second chance
I never envisaged driving a crane
Or digging large holes in the persisting rain
I never knew I would be inspired to write
Or sit up all hours studying by night
My potential was blooming like a flower
Sprouting every minute hour by hour
My ability to face whatever the future holds
Enriches my mind to see what will unfold
Each experience I had the privilege to take
Has made me who I am, not a fake
The power of positive thinking
Has kept me going for so long
When I wake I feel like bursting into song
That element of hope however small it be
Will ensure that one day I'll reach the top
Of the tree
I won't abandon my dreams whatever they may be
I won't be discouraged, even if I get stuck
Half way up the tree
Adjusting my life waiting for the right time
Like BIG BEN waiting to chime
Following my dreams wherever they may take me
Will fulfil my journey and never break me.
© 2...5...01 Poem by Shirley Kaci
In this institution called Herts Regional College
You will find students who are filled with knowledge
Some are sharp, witty and even blue
Others have special needs
"Who cares, they don't why should you"
In this college you will find
A mine field of talent once left behind
They are going to show how they can grow
Not just from books
But from minds that are in tow.
Skills will be mastered by many, of all pages
And visions of sunlight
Will be enjoyed through the ages
Engaging in crafts never thought possible before
Lots more women
That men can eventually adore.
The past and the present are one of the same
Without either there would be no one to blame.
Out of the dark and into the light
The eclips was exciting but also a fright.
The Millennium is near, what have we to fear
Is it the unknown, or maybe it is really clear.
Who are we kidding, no one but ourselves
None of us, not one of us, want to be left on the shelf.
We all have the right, the right to learn
And when we have, we can share with our fellow man.
Copyright Shirley Kaci 1999
Penis Envy is a Freudian term
One that I was soon to learn
I'd never heard it before in my life
But when I did, it was so real
That it caused me strife.
The concept of hysteria in women alone
Was hard to accept but a reality of my own
Guts it took what Freud said
I found it hard to free from my head.
I painted this picture late one night
Bringing the past to the future gave me a fright
My experience of ANGER, FRUSTRATION and PAIN
Shedding my tears on the paper, like rain.
Not understanding what my personality was all about
Expressed in this picture, I was able to scream and shout
I never wanted to be a boy
To play with him or even his toy
The unconscious thoughts and feelings
That had plagued my mind
Were extremely painful and most unkind
The wall in this picture that you can see
Was a wall that I built especially for me?
I built it as a momentum of my inner strength
Though behind this wall is the barrier of my mind
Hindering cruel thoughts of MANKIND.
Is it a SHE he hugs in his arms?
Or is it his manhood he displays with his charm
He hides behind his masculine self
Has she got feelings or is he thinking of himself
He thinks that she is weak and that he is so strong
Because she is in the background
And it has been so long.
Above her tomb the rainbow will glow
She will reach the moon and grow and grow
The journey in this painting was one of unrest
But one that was needed to allow her some rest
And to receive in her life the VERY, VERY BEST
To settle her soul and settle her mind
So that she to, can feel a part of MANKIND
©1999 Shirley Kaci
I met this guy called Bernie
A fun guy that he is
He came into my gallery one day
And left feeling all of a tizz
He called me on the phone soon after
And the tone of his voice was full of laughter
He said "Oh Shirl that poppy painting
It's so stunning I felt like fainting"
"One day girl you will see
That beautiful painting will belong to me".
I did think about what he said
I couldn't get it out of my head.
It felt so nice that someone could see
The depth and beauty in my artistry.
Many customers found this painting a mystery
They were more concerned with its history.
"Who are you inspired by they would ask"
"NO ONE" I would say in a loud blast
I can't believe that you can just paint away
Without any references they would say
My mind and my gut are my inspiration
I don't have to reveal a full explanation
They look at me with those mistrusting eyes
"Why should I have to tell any lies?
I think about Bernie and what he said
About my beautiful poppies so red
Bern's love of beautiful things
Brings much more knowledge than books and things.
The hart and soul are books in them self
Filed in the mind and kept off the shelf.
I could have sold it for two grand or more
This poppy painting that Bernie adores.
He was so natural about my art
Not professing to be a pompous FART!
"I don't know much about art Shirl he said
But those poppies will certainly knock ‘em dead"
I want my paintings to go to good homes
Where they will be enjoyed and not left alone.
I decided to give this painting to him
As I know that it won't go in the bin.
©1999 Shirley Kaci
Behind this shadow is my face
I am part of the human race.
He protects me with all his might
He sees me as his Turkish delight.
Chocolate is sweet and so was I
Until that night he made me cry.
I can't live the life he believes
I feel it is full of inadequacies.
I can't live this life; "oh how I feel it"
It feels unreal and I am stuck in it.
I want to reveal the real me
Instead of me hiding behind the tree.
I feel stunted from within
I feel like I'm living a life of sin.
Our cultures are different, to the extreme,
Somtimes I wonder where he has been.
I know he loves me with all his heart,
It is something I wanted, to be a part.
He is so charming and feeling to,
But when he's intense, I am lost in the view,
And there is nothing I can do.
Poem by Shirley Kaci copyright 2002
THE WORLD'S YOUR OYSTER
In this picture you can see
A crystal ball, being offered to me
The world is big, big and round
It's as solid, as the cemented ground.
I can't move up or down,
I am stuck beneath the ground.
The lady tells me "look at the Light"
And you will see the worlds delight,
In this painting full of wonder
I can't seem to feel anything,
But the silent rage of thunder.
She can see beyond my exterior, a
Women who is feeling extremely inferior.
She smiles at me with all her grace,
And says, "The Worlds Your Oyster
And it's a wonderful place.
Let it go whatever it is
And it will become your world, not his.
The journey here has just begun
It's now your turn to have some fun.
Copyright Shirley Kaci 1995